Stella Maria Dolorosa
Such a big name for such a small baby! In the fall of 2006, Dan and I felt called to have another baby- someone was missing from our family. We tried for close to six months to conceive, but it never happened. This was strange for me because we had always been very fertile. We had 7 pregnancies and 5 live births in the first 8 years of our marriage.
January of 2007 I was very excited to find myself pregnant. We were overcome with joy and awe at being blessed by God again to love a new soul. Sadly that baby was lost in an early miscarriage. We named him John because just as Elizabeth was thought to be infertile, she was blessed when least expected. My grief was great, but I had hope that we would one day conceive again My heart was bursting with joy when in March of 2007 I was pregnant again Sadly, that soul too, was taken from us by an early miscarriage. We named that baby Isaac because like Abraham, we would accept God’s will no matter how much we didn’t want to, we most wanted to be obedient. My grief and sorrow at this point was overwhelming. Maybe God really wasn’t calling us to have another baby? I began praying for Our Lady of Sorrows to intercede for me. When I would despair, I would try to unite my sufferings with what she must have felt to see her son tortured, killed and buried Everyday my children prayed that we would get to have another baby.
In May of 2007 dear friends of ours invited us to go on a pilgrimage with them to a local shrine named Starkenburg. We agreed, as we always try to make a pilgrimage in the month of May. When we arrived at the Shrine I realized from reading the sign that Starkenburg is a shrine to Our Lady of Sorrows. Our dear friends had no idea of my despair, or my begging Our lady of Sorrows to intercede on my behalf. None the less when I saw it was a shrine to Our Lady of Sorrows, I felt a reflex of being kicked in the gut- it just was not something I expected. I, of course didn’t blame them, there was no way for them to know, or anyone for that matter. While we were visiting this holy place we stopped in all of the chapels. I believe there are five. But only one had the Blessed Sacrament present. I prayed at that chapel for me and all of my dear friends who have lost babies before they were born, that they would be comforted. I prayed for all of those who were trying to conceive, that they would be blessed. And I prayed that if we were blessed again, that the baby would grow and live with us as part of our family. Five days later I got a positive pregnancy test! We told the children at 8 weeks into the pregnancy that we were expecting another baby. They were over the moon excited and they prayed every night at bedtime prayers “that the baby in mommy’s belly doesn’t die”.
After my C-section with Greg ,my fifth C-section, our doctor told us that my uterus was extremely thin. It was a healthy non pregnant uterus, but in its pregnant state it could be dangerous if I were to rupture. Despite that, he did not tell us to not have any more babies, or not to get pregnant. He told us we should plan for extended bedrest( I was put on bedrest with Greg at 26 weeks), and a premature baby who would spend time in the NICU. We used NFP to avoid conception for 3+ years before trying to conceive another baby, then used NFP to try to conceive.
In Stella’s pregnancy I was riddled with fear and anxiety that I would lose the baby. I went in for 3 ultrasounds before I was even 8 weeks along! Fear is not from God, I kept telling myself. But my faith was weak. I finally bought a fetal doppler to keep at home so I could hear the baby’s heartbeat at a moment’s notice to relieve my anxiety. I started having contractions pretty early in my pregnancy. By 19 weeks I was receiving weekly shots of progesterone, which helped tremendously to slow down the contractions! Dr. Dixon was monitoring me very closely. The statistics for uterine rupture are fairly grave. If I were to rupture there is a 30% mortality rate for me, and 70% for the baby. I stopped exercising at 22 weeks, due to the increase in contractions I would have with any activity.
At our 20 week ultrasound we learned that the baby was a girl. I was shocked. I had such a strong feeling the baby was a boy, although I had had two dreams that the baby was a girl. Dan and I discussed names a lot, even before we were pregnant. This baby was almost a bunch of other names, but God used a friend of ours to help us name this little girl. My dear friend Ann came over shortly after our ultrasound and of course we discussed names. She knew about our pilgrimage and suggested Delores. She has an aunt Delores whom she dearly loves and it means sorrow- like Our lady of Sorrows Dan and I prayed and discerned a name for our baby and were led to name her : Stella Maria Dolorosa which is Spanish for : Star of Our Lady of Sorrows.
In December as the baby grew, my contractions steadily increased. On December 17th, Dr. Dixon put me on full bedrest. I felt so blessed that I had made it to 32 weeks just being on modified bed rest. My sister had been living in Chicago the last few years. In November she had moved back and she was still job hunting when I was put on bedrest. She stepped in for our family and became the mother to 5 small children. She took them to school, picked them up, helped with homework, made meals, bathed them, did their laundry, did housecleaning and shopping. Words can not express my gratitude or how loved I felt by her cheerful and willing spirit. I took bedrest very seriously and was doing well. Christmas was my first visit to the first floor of my house since the 17th. Our parish has a wonderful group of women whose ministry is to bring meals to families during bereavement, or when a mom has a new baby. They also provided meals to our family while I was on full bedrest. What a wonderful blessing to have others take such a burden off your shoulders in time of need.! My aunt and a few close friends also helped with meals and running errands for us during this time. I was recently reminded that being pro-life isn't just about being against abortion, it is about supporting those who choose life, those with small children, those in need.
On December 27th I had an OB appointment. This was the first real activity I had done since the 17th when I was confined to my bed. I started having lots of contractions due to the increased activity. Finally, I was allowed to go home, but warned that if the contractions got worse, or I had an increase in pain that I was to return or call. By the time I got to my car in the parking lot, I was in pain. I thought I really just needed to get home and rest. I did rest, but the pain increased. Dan and I almost went in to labor and delivery during the middle of the night, but decided to try to rest and see what morning would bring. The next morning, December 28th, we called Dr. Dixon and told him our status. We were told to come into labor and delivery to be monitored. As much as I hated that idea, I wanted to do what was right for our baby. I was monitored all day and Dr. Dixon dropped the bomb on me that I would spend the rest of my pregnancy right there in the hospital. I was 34 weeks and a couple days at that point, which meant I would be there either a matter of days, up to six weeks. We continued to pray.
My pain did not go away. We all knew that I was a time bomb, so to speak, and that at any point I could rupture and one or both of us could die if I did. On December 29 we spoke with a neonatal nurse practitioner about what we could expect if we had a baby who was born at 34 weeks gestation. We had always expected a baby in the NICU, our last 3 had been there too though they were a few weeks further along at birth. She started to speak about a mom she saw that ruptured at a local hospital, but she never finished, her face just turned grey. At that point I said, let’s do it. Right now we have a healthy mom and a healthy baby and let’s not sit on this time bomb any longer. Dr. Dixon agreed. He prayed with us and we proceeded to do the necessary preparations for my C-section.
It was the most peaceful C-section I had ever had. I had no nausea, no anxiety, just peace. When Dr. Dixon got to the point of opening my uterus, he was able to do so with his gloved finger. He said that there was just a membrane over the baby, about the size of a half dollar where the uterus was quite thin. He proceeded to open the uterus with the scissors. Stella Maria Dolorosa was born at 12:20 pm on December 29, 2007. She weighed 5 lbs. 15 ounces and was 18.5 inches long- a good size for a baby born at 34 weeks and 4 days old. They wiped her off and she cried that beautiful newborn cry that is a comfort to a mother’s ears. For a premature baby she did quite well. They brought her over to me to see,and to kiss, she was so beautiful. I was so thankful to Our Lady for holding my hand through this journey. Little did I know that I would still be calling on her for comfort.
That night I was so overcome with gratitude I couldn’t sleep. I was quite tired, but on a high! I spent most of the night in prayer thanking God for a doctor who is prayerful.Thanking God for my awesome labor and delivery nurse who was so kind and compassionate to me. Thanking God for our conversation with the neonatal nurse practioner who tipped the scales for me. Thanking God for this beautiful miracle placed in my arms. Thankful to Our Lady for interceding on my behalf.
Stella was started on oxygen, then placed under a hood to help her body absorb the oxygen better.. Her breathing became labored and they placed her on nasal CPAP to help push the alveoli of her lungs open. Overnight they intubated her(put her on a ventilator), so that they could give her a special medicine called surfactant. She tolerated it so well, she was extubated by early morning While in the NICU she was followed by a neonatologist, Dr. Brooker. On his initial assessment he heard a heart murmur. Many newborns have one, but it usually resolves within a day or two after birth. Stella’s murmur was not resolving, if anything it was seeming more pronounced. He ordered an echcardiogram of her heart. ( ultrasound of the heart) A cardiologist at Cardinal Glennon children’s hospital read the echo and Stella was diagnosed with “pulmonary valve stenosis”. They wanted her transferred immediately to Cardinal Glennon, and she would likely undergo a cardiac cath on her the next day. This was January 1st. I was a complete basket case. I had Dr. Dixon discharge me a day early, so I could go be with my baby. I once again prayed for Our Lady of Sorrows to intercede for us, I needed a miracle for our baby.
The NICU at Cardinal Glennon was wonderful. I knew our daughter was in the best hands. Being that the 1st is a Holy Day of Obligation, Dan, his mom, Anne, Beth and Gus went to Mass at our parish at 5pm. They brought back to the hospital with them Father Avis who baptized Stella that night. She was baptized with just the essential parts on this day and the rest of the rite would be done at a later date. The next morning I returned to the hospital to be with Stella. In the morning of January 2nd she was given another echocardiogram before her cardiac cath. While waiting for the results, right there in Stella’s room, I started bleeding, profusely. I was very scared. I did not want to leave my baby, but I was bleeding all over. I called Dan. He picked me up, we went by our house so I could clean up a little and grab a bite to eat before we went to Dr. Dixon’s office.
We were greeted with terrible news. A couple of my stitches had come out, and a blood clot had formed under my incision area. Dr. Dixon tried to fix me in his office, but there was no way he could. I needed to go back to surgery and due to that bite of lunch I grabbed on my way to his office, my surgery would be delayed until the evening, as they won’t operate on you until you have had no food or water for eight hours. I had Dan take me over to the hospital and help me get checked in, then I sent him to be with our baby. It would be hours before I would be in surgery and I wanted one of us with her. While I waited at St. Anthony’s, Dan visited Stella at Cardinal Glennon. When he got there he was greeted with wonderful news! The follow up echocardiogram showed the pulmonary valve stenosis to be minor now. So minor she would not have to go under anesthesia, and not have to have a cardiac cath! It was a miracle. A day ago it was severe enough that they would do the cath the next day, now they say she will never need it. We call this the miracle of Stella’s baptism! She was healed enough to not need surgery at 4 days old anymore! Maybe some day when she gets older, but not now! Dan was able to hold her and they started feeding her my pumped milk.
Dan returned to St. Anthony’s and gave me the good news about our baby girl. I had surgery at about 10 pm. It took about an hour. Dr. Dixon’s plan was to remove staples until he found the clot, he did this until they were all removed. A lot of blood had pooled in the incisional area and he cleaned me out. I requested before surgery that if at all possible I did not want staples, but to be stitched closed this time. He saw that my fascia and uterus were fine, cleaned me and sewed me closed. I spent the night at St. Anthony’s. The next day, January 3rd, after discharge, I went straight to Cardinal Glennon and held my baby and nursed her for the first time- she was a wonderful nurser from the beginning, especially considering that she was premature. I really had wanted to stay for a second feeding, but I was feeling quite lousy at this point. Dan took me home. I was so comforted that at this point when I felt so bad my baby was in the absolute best care possible. My pain was unbearable and I had Dan use the wheelchair to help me get from the van to my bed! I don’t think I have ever been in so much pain. When we were leaving Cardinal Glennon that day they told us to bring her carseat with us the next day.
When we came on Friday, January 4th, we brought the carseat. They do a test before discharge to make sure the baby can tolerate the angle of the carseat without any breathing problems or a decrease in heart rate. I nursed her a couple of times and then went home to rest. We did not tell the children that their baby sister would be coming home the next day. If there was some delay we didn’t want them to be disappointed! On Saturday, January 5th, 2008 we brought Stella home. Everyone was so excited to meet her. I let my sister, Kate, be the first to hold her. She had earned that at least with all she was doing for our family so selflessly! Everyone washed hands and took turns holding this precious miracle that we had long prayed for.
My recovery has been quite slow. I was warned if I were to break open again I would have wet to dry dressings for the next 8 weeks. I was put, again, on full bedrest. I was only allowed to go upstairs once per day. I really missed seeing my children and helping them with their homework and being there for their playtime. But I was so weak I had no choice. Stella is doing wonderfully. She is a happy, content baby. She had a follow up cardiology appointment a week after she left the hospital. They did another echocardiogram and she has continued to improve. They now think she will never have to have cardiac cath. The miracle of her conception, birth and baptism continue to amaze me. We plan to do the rest of her baptism on the first Saturday of April. (the 5th)
